important personal thingy i am ashamed to even bring up because i have internalized self loathing re: my gender disphoria kk thx


There’s this line in Greenhorn that audiences always loose their shit over. It’s when a side character tells the genderqueer MC, “Awkward and bisexual doesn’t make you another gender.”

People laugh especially hard at it. It’s a funny, awkward moment, but this one in particular brings it out of audiences.

I asked Tom why and he said, “Oh, cause everyone can think of someone they’ve wanted to say that too.”

That’s probably true. It got me thinking.

This is your reminder that I am trans. I use they/their pronouns. My trans identity and experience is valid. Awkward and bisexual or not. Do I need to grow a beard with my tits?

When I talk about trans safe space, please don’t say, “Oh Kelsey, you don’t get to decide that”. Yes, I do get to decide in part what a trans safe space is for me and my sisters, brothers, and bristers.

If you really give a shit about non binary and no-ho trans experience, stop ~secretly~ lumping so many of us in with “bi chicks looking for attention” or whatever it is you are thinking.

Maybe you have met someone like that. Who cares. Remember how playing the Who Is Really Trans game is awful?

Stop it, please.

In the meantime, I recognize that the flip side of this lack of “legitimacy” in the queer world translates into privilege in the rest of the world. Certain presentations allow you to be invisible when it’s also useful. I think if we have this we need to be conscious of how much space we demand at events like PTHC. I facepalm sometimes at how much airtime gets devoted to “somebody dared read me as a woman”. It’s called privledge, you guys… Among friends and people who know us, though, it’s tough to be brushed off.

I get how it’s complicated. I get that some “genderqueer dykes” took over your local scene.

There’s a difference between that and sort of rolling you eyes at the people you call your friends, mentally lumping into a weird groupie-like category.

Ok, back to your regularly scheduled tumbling.

I feel this, obviously.

NOT TO MENTION, with all the razzamatazz about this person and that person’s miraculously fluid gender expurriences, some of us experience that shiftiness over long periods of time instead of in layers at ALL the same time. And seriously, participation in trans events and services can help ease all the emotional turmoil someone goes through about that sort of thing.

And just because I look like a boy at whatever point in time you see me, and pretty much function publicly as one (more or less, to strangers, most of the time) does not mean I’m super comfy with that or totally into it, or wanna be like that forever. If I was a girl I would have sweat pants on and my hair would be in a bun on top of my head, but due to unfortunate circumstances instead I just look like a DUDE.

I will hi-5 you in a sec but I am too busy putting huge stickers all over every reflective surface in the house, and when I’m done I’m probably going to masturbate for the next 90 minutes because it’s the only way I can engage with my body without feeling 100% humiliated by it - LOL!

  1. topsidepress reblogged this from toomanyfeelings
  2. nicbravo-reblogs reblogged this from brbnightmares and added:
    Read the thing K. said and then read the thing Julie said ‘cause they’re both really important things that need to be...
  3. toomanyfeelings reblogged this from brbnightmares and added:
    HI-5! I’m actually really grateful for the supportive response this post got. I felt extremely self conscious about...
  4. boredangry reblogged this from brbnightmares
  5. rjmakes reblogged this from toomanyfeelings and added:
    In which Kelsey says some good things re: being trans and invisibility and how it feels shitty but is also a privilege....
  6. brbnightmares reblogged this from toomanyfeelings and added:
    I feel this, obviously. NOT TO MENTION, with all the razzamatazz about this person and that person’s miraculously fluid...